by Jason Joyner | Dec 8, 2008 | Blog, Christmas, goofiness
I want to have traditions for our family, especially around Christmas. However, I didn’t intend for our yearly Christmas tree hunt to be traditionally filled with bloopers. Last year we had a memorable experience. I thought this year would be quiet. Yeah…
We decided to go to a local guy who has a small Christmas tree farm to have a fresh tree. My sister-in-law decided to tag along with us and pick up one as well. We made quite an entrance with 7 kids between us all.
She quickly found a tree and her teenager cut it down. I started to pull on my leather work gloves, which I had grabbed from my back porch before leaving. I got the right glove mostly on when I felt a prick in the space between my index and middle finger. Huh. Must have a needle in it or something. Except the sharp pain started getting worse.
I yanked the glove off. A wiggling wasp fell out.
So THAT was the culprit. Darn thing trying to get warm. I hope it froze out there.
Well, if that was our excitement for the day, it wasn’t bad (as I write 2 days later with my finger still swollen). I made sure to shake my gloves out, then found our own tree and did my best Paul Bunyan.
The problem was how to get home. I had planned on putting the tree on my van’s roof. My sister-in-law had brought her Expedition with a travel case on top. She didn’t really want needles in her vehicle. As her teenaged son wondered why they hadn’t brought his truck, I confidently said we could put both on top of my Caravan. After fighting bungee cords and pine needles, we were ready.
For trouble.
It is about a 5 mile trip on the highway back into town. I drove slowly, since my boys expressed concern that the trees might fall off. As Dads do, I reassured them that it wouldn’t happen…
Hey, was that a couple of Christmas trees that landed in the middle of the road?
Yep, our trees did a nice bounce off the pavement. We both pulled over, and thankfully there wasn’t much traffic as my niece and nephew jumped in the road right away. Also, I was impressed as our trees weren’t reduced to kindling. They relented and shoved their slippery spruce in the back of the Expedition, as I firmly lashed ours back to the van. We all managed to arrive at home without further excitement.
So far.
by Jason Joyner | Nov 25, 2008 | Blog, football, goofiness, miscellaneous
You know the game (and season) isn’t going your way when this happens. I wonder what the injury report will read…
by Jason Joyner | Nov 25, 2008 | Blog, football, goofiness, miscellaneous
You know the game (and season) isn’t going your way when this happens. I wonder what the injury report will read…
by Jason Joyner | Oct 28, 2008 | Blog, goofiness, miscellaneous, tooth fairy
Our son Matthew was working on two loose teeth, the “front teeth” from the son, and was getting really excited as they started wiggling. Friday morning his patience was rewarded when the first one popped out in the morning.
But that wasn’t enough for him. The second one was pretty loose, so he kept working on it through the day. He was standing on the vanity for an hour, looking in the mirror working in back and forth during the afternoon.
He wanted to go with me to the store, so we went grocery shopping around 4-5 pm. In the second store he showed me how loose the second one was. I told him he’d better wait until we got home so he didn’t lose it. (An employee asked me if I needed help and I inquired about tooth containers. He seemed stumped by that one, so we moved along.)
Matt also made the executive decision that we should order pizza, so we called it in and picked it up. When we got home the rest of the family was watching some Disney Channel, so I whipped out a blanket so they could picnic and watch at the same time.
After a few bites, Matt glanced my way while happily munching on his requested pizza. I noted a change in his prior status:
“Matt, where’s your tooth?”
He stopped chewing, holding mushy pizza in his mouth while panicking as possibilities ran through his quick little mind. He said he didn’t feel anything crunchy. I got him a plate so he could examine his mastication content. Alas, no missing dentition could be found.
He swallowed a tooth.
He didn’t find this as amusing as his parents did, and he wept crocodile tears as we comforted him. We reassured him that the tooth fairy knows when little kids lose a tooth, regardless if it is under the pillow or not. This must not have soothed him, since he asked for big rubber gloves to do some, ahem, “checking” for the tooth the next day.
Thankfully, the tooth fairy didn’t let him down. He got a special little Lego set he wanted. And he didn’t have to call Joe the Plumber to help him with his lost tooth.
by Jason Joyner | Oct 28, 2008 | Blog, goofiness, miscellaneous, tooth fairy
Our son Matthew was working on two loose teeth, the “front teeth” from the son, and was getting really excited as they started wiggling. Friday morning his patience was rewarded when the first one popped out in the morning.
But that wasn’t enough for him. The second one was pretty loose, so he kept working on it through the day. He was standing on the vanity for an hour, looking in the mirror working in back and forth during the afternoon.
He wanted to go with me to the store, so we went grocery shopping around 4-5 pm. In the second store he showed me how loose the second one was. I told him he’d better wait until we got home so he didn’t lose it. (An employee asked me if I needed help and I inquired about tooth containers. He seemed stumped by that one, so we moved along.)
Matt also made the executive decision that we should order pizza, so we called it in and picked it up. When we got home the rest of the family was watching some Disney Channel, so I whipped out a blanket so they could picnic and watch at the same time.
After a few bites, Matt glanced my way while happily munching on his requested pizza. I noted a change in his prior status:
“Matt, where’s your tooth?”
He stopped chewing, holding mushy pizza in his mouth while panicking as possibilities ran through his quick little mind. He said he didn’t feel anything crunchy. I got him a plate so he could examine his mastication content. Alas, no missing dentition could be found.
He swallowed a tooth.
He didn’t find this as amusing as his parents did, and he wept crocodile tears as we comforted him. We reassured him that the tooth fairy knows when little kids lose a tooth, regardless if it is under the pillow or not. This must not have soothed him, since he asked for big rubber gloves to do some, ahem, “checking” for the tooth the next day.
Thankfully, the tooth fairy didn’t let him down. He got a special little Lego set he wanted. And he didn’t have to call Joe the Plumber to help him with his lost tooth.
by Jason Joyner | Sep 19, 2008 | Blog, goofiness, pirates, Talk Like a Pirate Day
ARRRR! This year’s Talk Like a Pirate Day is brought to you today by Black-Eye Nate. If ye be darin’ the edge o’his cutlass, then enter.
Black-Eye Nate commandeered our backyard playhouse, and I barely survived walkin’ the plank. All be well now. All kinds of booty ere accepted, but plastic pirate men be exceptional treasure!
Yer pirate resources for 2008:
Gráinne Ní Mháille, better known as Grace O’Malley, a famous female pirate in the time of Queen Elizabeth I.
This be an excellent pirate game fer the Xbox!
Shiver yer timbers with this pirate radio show.
A reason to plunder an iPhone, finally. Yarr!
Lego Relient K, starring in the video for The Pirates who Don’t Do Anything.
Piracy in the Bible? The evidence be here.
